~~~~~ This is a fictional story. ~~~~~
Hi, my name is Victor Chan. I’m a Canadian.
Wait… I’m actually a Chinese, from Hong Kong. I was born before 1997.
Eeee… I don’t know how to explain or where to start.
I remember when I was little, I always read from the school textbook that Hong Kong is a British colony (I still feel like it is something to be proud of). I also learnt that Hong Kong is a financial & commercial center of Asia. It has so small and so highly populated, but it is blessed with deep wide harbour and international airport that connects to everywhere in the world.
Our governers often changed, but they were always British governors who cared about us and did good things to us. We had public housings, parks and public facilities, schools & hospitals all named after them. We have good political systems and no corruption thank to the British models. I was proud to be a hongkongese.
I had a happy & normal childhood. Other than the grades in school, I basically worry nothing. Of course I learnt about 1997, but I thought nothing would change. I didn’t understand what was the fuss that all these people, some of my friends too, migrating to other countries. I thought it would never happen to me.
My grades were just average, maybe below average. My parents worry that I may not get a place in the universities in Hong Kong (there were just a few universities in Hong Kong, for way too many people, and they were top levels in the world!), so they discussed about sending me to Canada to college, since I have an uncle living in Vancouver.
I had no objection about that. Whatever! Besides that, study abroad and living by myself did sound pretty cool! So, I left Hong Kong.
I remember, I left from the old airport—-Kai Tak Airport! It was famous to be one of the most dangerous airports in the world, because its runway was fully surrounded by the sea, Kowloon city’s crowded residential area & mountains! I heard that they even used Kai Tak Airport as a model in the simulation program for pilots to practice. Anyway, I remember when the flight took off at night, I could actually see inside the windows of the residential buildings and what the people were doing. It was shocking how close they were!
That was the last time I remember of Kai Tak Airport. When I was a freshman, I read about the transition of 1997 on the news, but I wasn’t there, and I felt nothing.
Since then, I had studied and worked and built my new family in Canada. I would tell people that I’m a Canadian.
But sometimes when people asked for my name, I would still get confused… I have a Chinese name, an English name by Chinese pronunciation, and an English nickname! Sometimes I don’t remember which name I’ve put on my various IDs or credit cards or whatever…
I hate that when people asked about my nationality. Although I can proudly answer that I’m a Canadian, people will still see me as a Chinese, and I still always have the urge to announce that I’m actually from Hong Kong!
With no doubt, Hong Kong will always be my hometown (even though I haven’t returned for more than 10 years…), but my country? I’m not sure. I should answer that Canada is my country, but why do I always feel like I have no country? I have no roots?
To me, China is like my birth mother, who had left me since I was a baby, I have no memory and no feeling of her. Britain is like my foster mother, who had always pampered me, played with me, and loved me. I love her back.
It’s like, I left home when I became an adult. I kissed my foster mother goodbye, thinking that when I return to home, she will always be there for me… But when I return home one day, the foster mother that I have missed so much is gone! disappeared! In my home, there is a stranger, who claims to be my birth mother, who want me back… Am I supposed to believe this stranger?
Hong Kong, is like my first love. She is always perfect, in my mind. I have so much sweet memories of her. I want to grow old with her… but somehow we got separated.
When I see her again, everything has changed. I no longer know her. She looks different. She still seems like the same person, but I’m not sure if I still love her anymore… Or do I simply love what we had?
Sometimes when I pass by a street, I would suddenly see a girl that looks like her… I would rush to follow. But when she turns around, that’s not her.
I miss the street foods and snacks that I used to love when I was a child, so I went all the way to Chinatown to look for them. I happily found them. I bought them & hurried to taste them. But they didn’t taste as good. They may look similar, but they never tasted as good as what I had, when I was a child.
Eventually, I visited Hong Kong again, but it has changed so much, I no longer know the way around. All my favorite places had disappeared, turned into unknown shops and buildings… Not to mention that I don’t have a single friend in this hometown anymore. I can still speak Cantonese fluently, of course, but I felt like a tourist.
So I thought, I should never return anymore. Hong Kong, is in my memory. That’s enough. I still love my hometown. I still miss my first love… but it is time to say goodbye.
I’m a Canadian now.
~~~~~ The End ~~~~~