*** This is a fictional story. ***
My parents are pastors. My best friend is a devoted Christian. In my whole life, I have been surrounded by Christians, and I have been taught the bible stories since I was a baby, but I’m not sure if I’m a Christian.
My parents despite homosexuality and adoption and premarital sex and a lot others… but I think, what’s wrong is that?
I think, people can choose their own life, and if that’s what make them happy, if that’s what they desire, why not? Who are we to judge them?
It’s true that we are all sinners. I know many devoted Christians who do unspeakable things or have unspeakable thoughts… I feel sorry for them, because they cannot be honest with who they really are.
Please don’t mis-judge that I don’t believe in god, because I do. It’s just that the god I feel, I see is somewhat different.
Sometimes I have my low points & weak moments too. Sometimes I cried & prayed for god to protect me or guide me… then I feel more peaceful.
But, my god does not have a name. My god does not judge me, or tell me what to do. He/she only watches me from afar. If I fall down, he/she would wait patiently for me to get up by myself. My god is kind to everyone, and despite no one. He/she is understanding and forgiving, even if we do not pray to him, do to go to church, do not follow any rules, or even commit crimes.
When I visit some other countries and see other people, no matter what religion they are, if they are kind to me, then I see god.
However, if I’m being mistreated, for instance, sexual harassed for being a woman, then I think these people’s god are no good too.
I feel so sorry when I heard people bad-mouthing other people, as if they were any better. I think these people are just shallow and ignorant.
I think, religion is a dangerous thing. It can lead people to be a good person, they can also be an excuse for people to do bad things.
So, if somebody asks me what’s my religion, I say none. It’s not like I don’t believe in god, it is just that I cannot name my god, nor can I name my religion. Do I really need to fit myself into some categories? Why?
One day, I finally have had enough. I said goodbye to my parents & friends. I said, I’m going to look for my god. I may not return. To be honest, I think I’m looking for my own life, not to be judged or categorized or guided, I want to go my own way.
I don’t know if my hod will protect ne or not… but if not, I’ll protect myself. I’ll be alright.
*** the end ***